I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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