Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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