So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
