I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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