just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize