Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
