I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Let's get the cat blown out
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
