i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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