He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
