she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize