It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
