im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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