pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
