my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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