I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
