the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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