so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
