just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
