I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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