She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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