the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I forget how to act sober
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
