Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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