do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
