I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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