No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
