I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
