i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
