I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
