he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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