a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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