I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
