your room smells of hookers.
And success
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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