i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
