Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
