xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
