How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
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