after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
