:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
