His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
