my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
