help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
