There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
well I can't set my house on fire every night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
