I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
