I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
