I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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