I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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