quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My vagina is officially offended.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
