a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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