hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have aggressive nipples.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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