if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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