i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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