dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
