Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize