Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Shame is for Republicans.
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