Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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