She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize