I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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