I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
