It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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