I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
