I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
