i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
