i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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