Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
