you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize