I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
