Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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