Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
