Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
