you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We need a shit load of segways right now
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
