Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
