i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
