I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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