im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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