Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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