My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
